Life Engaged: One Mans Journey of the Absurd

I'm working on finding a warehouse here in Asheville where I can set up a studio to do a show on YouTube. This was just one random day and I think he (I) may be a regular guest. I'm also looking for people who are experts or just nerdy smart about subjects that would like to a part of the show. Email me!

I quit my Psych Nursing position after five days in Tampa, and drove to a rest stop outside of Asheville where I lived for a week while waiting to interview for a wilderness therapy guide position. After one week I found Bon Paul and Sharky's Hostel.

I've lived at the hostel now since May 24th, three months today. At first I was renting a room in their mixed bunk dorm, currently I live in a tent in the backyard. It's wonderful.

When I first showed up to the Hostel I met Jeremy, the manager. We're best buddies now. He has a Masters in Fine Art, is a fellow Unitarian, and likes PBR. Also his mustache grows very fast.

In the last three months I've met probably over three hundred travelers. All were cordial, some were boring, others were eccentric to say the least, and a few are good friends now. I feel at home here; for now. Here are some pictures of my apartment, Jeremy, and some of my favorite guests. Also a video of our most eccentric and coolest musician to pass through, Doz Roberts.

The hostel I'm staying in is about three miles from Everglades National Park. I decided to venture over and see if I could find some trails to ride my bike.

The day started at the front desk of the hostel. Onne, the hostel owner suggested I try a secluded path a few miles off the main park roads, if I truly wanted the Everglade experience. Just keep an eye out for alligators she said, some of them like to lay in the road.

After a few minutes of driving I reached the destination.



With my trusty six inch fishing fillet knife on my side, and my backpack filled with my valuables on my back, I jumped on my bike, excited to find an alligator and possibly catch one.

As I rode down this path it became quickly evident that there was no civilivation for miles in any direction. This did not bother me, until I couldnt see the gate where I started. A paranoia started to edge on me. What if I get a flat tire, what if I fall off my bike and hit my head, what if (pause), damn no more cell phone coverage! This was it folks, I was truly on my own. I was ok with that. I've watched a lot of Man Vs Wild and Survivor man.

As I trekked on I admired the landscape. To the left were everglades and various schrub plants surviving in a barren water void basin (It is dry season here). On my right, butting up against the edge of the dirt and coral road was a swampy canal probably left over from when the road was built. I was separated from the water by a thin flimsy growth of everglades and plants and the occasional stretch of mangroves.

About seven miles in, riding under the sun soaked sky and only cathing a breeze from the speed of my pedaling, I had a realization.



Trying to focus on the task at hand, I weighed the yearning of both thirsts and decided my encounter with an alligator took precidence. Onward I went, tired but excited for adventure. Then suddenly I happened upon this majestic reptile.



Now I'll admit that my first reaction to it was "oh shit" as I passed next to it with left foot and pedal going over it, nearly wrecking into the swamp. But then my survival skills kicked in and I went to inspect it. Upon closer inspection it was dead. It was too small to eat so I carried on.

About a half mile down the road I could see a small area where the road widened. As I came to it and was crossing, a 5-6 foot alligator launched from the left side of the road, to the right, and then down into the canal. Faced with reality, I realized a fillet knife was pathetic. Scared I was but I was sure it was only because he snuck up on me. Next time I would be prepared.



You can't see it, I checked, so we'll move on.

I was getting tired and figured I was pushing my luck with life, bike mechanics and what not. I decided to bike a tad further and then turn around. As I went the little bit further the barren basin on my left started to show pools of water. Armed with some knowledge the Ranger had given me when I entered the park, I decided to stop and take a look.



Realizing that my dreams of wrestling an alligator were probably not in the near future and concerned about my need for hyperbolic responses to horse-flies, I started back on the long journey home.



Once I returned to the main road of the park I decided to stop at one of the visitor centers for a drink. As I pulled down the road I shrieked in horror when I saw the sign.



You see Big Blue is important to me, I wouldn't want her to get damaged!

Anyhoo, while talking to a German man at the edge of a path along the visitor center, he asked if I'd seen the gators over there? Over where I exclaimed! Right next to where all those people are standing on the deck bridge he said. Off I went to find literally dozens of gators hanging out on the waters edge right inside the park. I went to the edge of the earth to catch a glimpse of one gator, and all this time dozens are chillin at the visitors center?! At that moment, frustration and exhaustion culminated in a rant. A rant brought on by ego, dissapointment, and heat exhaustion.



Stay tuned. There is another adventure coming soon.

I woke up today at the hostel excited to explore the grounds.
I hopped off my bunk and peeked out window to an oasis I couldn't believe. As I went down the steps I met a friend (I'm not sure if the drink was his). As I turned the corner I was greeted with happy memories of the hammock we use to have in our living room when I saw one tied between two trees. As I continued onward I discovered the tree house which I hear can hold 7 large adults! As I rounded the bend I found my way at the mouth of the large swimming pool/waterfall, how lovely. Onward I went until I found the life size chess board. Further on I went overwhelmed with peace until I came upon the outdoor yoga room. As I headed towards the back end of the property I came across the private suites they offered. Artistic they were. As I headed back I spotted another hammock:)... And then tonight when I walked into the outdoor shower, I was greeted with this colorful flower. Not a bad deal for 25 dollars a night if I do say so myself! Oh, did I mention they have free pancakes in the morning, as well as free wifi, big screen TV, and lovely employees who greet you and give you tips on the area? Speaking of tips they directed me to a nice secluded bike trail in Everglades National Park. Stay tuned tomorrow to hear and see that great adventure... (CLICK here to see enlarged photos)

I recently took a course on hypnosis. Scared the hell out of me when I realized I actually hypnotized my friend a month ago. I didn't think I could, neither did he, but we were both open to it and that's all that is needed. Since then I've hypnotized a few friends and family members and have seem some pretty cool results from it. My Aunt was a great stage performer at our Christmas dinner, my friend found it totally reduced her stress to levels she doesn't remember, and I recently used it to help chad recall a song he had written a while back but had forgotten the words to. I have learned to hypnotise myself and used it to take away migraines and be awake in the morning without coffee. Intriguing to say the least.

Among the many ideas in my head at the moment, is starting a company. I thrive on these ideas and have hundreds of them written on post-it notes scattered around the floor of my car and the hood of my washing machine (the only time I empty pockets). Every now and again I gain a little inspiration at the same time that I come across a really good idea.

My latest idea involves a company of which the mission statement would simply be: To provide new perspectives to individuals which in turn will enrich their lives and the lives of others.

I have found that one of the most powerful ways to help facilitate change is to stir up emotions in people, as opposed to laying out a rational plan. Emotions are a real motivator and they tend to propel actions in people that are genuine as opposed to those that are forced. New perspective is a powerful way to evoke and create what I have just relayed.

It is most easily seen on certain reality shows. I remember when I first heard of Wife Swap(where a wife and husband split up and are paired with the spouse of another couple),I thought it was disgusting and trashy TV. After I watched it, I thought it was beautiful. These people who had learned to take each other for granted, were reminded how great their life was, and how much they relied and cared for their significant other. The experience changed their lives; what a precious thing.

Most recently I have become a fan of Undercover Boss. Take 45 minutes out of your week and watch this show and try not to get a little choked up. You will notice there is a theme if you watch all the episodes. The CEO's all say they went in to this thinking they would learn insights into how to make policies and customer service better, and they did, but they were blown away by the humanity they encountered. They were reminded that life has feelings, and people behind those feelings. They walk away with a commitment to not only improve their company's bottom line, but nurture their employees in the process. For a man who is rarely overcome with strong visceral emotion, this show gets me every time.

There is nothing like the perspective of reality!

You know those rare dreams that all the sudden start to get really good and before you know it you're about to...And then something really shitty happens like your dead great grandfather walks in the room and wants to have a chat with you about aliens? And then as soon as you convince your dead great grandpa to go back to his grave, the woman has mysteriously left your room or is now knitting a sweater on the rocking chair in the corner, completely uninterested? Yea I had one of them last night and, well what a bummer. Sitting here thinking, I think my ratio of "good" dreams squandered by dead relatives to "good" dreams conquered with a sleeping smile is about 8/1. Ugh.

When I was about fifteen I remember sitting in my therapist's office explaining graphically with stick figurines how we could solve the societal effects of homelessness by killing them all. Ironically a few minutes later during that same session, we were alerted that 9/11 had just taken place.

I'm not sure when but within a year or so after, I started to develop an eye for shades of gray. Suddenly things that were once an open and shut case were now debatable, filled with caveats of circumstance, and no longer dismissible as simply right or wrong.

As one might imagine, the effects of this new paradigm were taxing to my thoughts. Alas, I started my love affair with philosophy!

Over the years my beliefs, morality and things of that nature have become more solid in a theoretical framework but each circumstance still allows itself analysis. The black and white is gone. Interestingly I have found that I still believe very much in the rough draft thoughts of my youth but how I believe in carrying out my beliefs, addressing a problem, or arguing a point has changed. I'm open to discussion.

Jeez, after rereading this I think I sound like a Dick obsessed with big words. In other words, I don't see things black and white. Ok ok I'm just trying to get back in the habit of blogging so consider this post an exercise in free writing. Nothing exciting but good stuff to come; I promise!

Ciao

I long to play the guitar so well that I can just pick it up and play what ever is on the radio. Maybe one day. For now this is where I'm at. I don't practice like I should and this is the poduct of a couple years of on again off again toying around. I hope you enjoy. I do play birthday parties.

In 90 seconds you can wake up in the morning and pee.
In 90 minutes you can learn now to lay tile at Home Depot.
In 90 hours you can watch all the episodes of LOST.
In 90 Days you can break up with that person you thought was the one.
In 90 months you can nail down a Phd.
But if you're really lucky, in 90 years you can be one hell of an awesome Grandma (Nan-Nan)!

It's a jolly ole time hanging with Janice. She is fiercely independent and so am I, but we ocasionally meet in the kitchen to chat, as well as go out to dinner, and watch the Orioles on talking about how we don't like Jim Palmer.

I like to save things from my past. I enjoy going back to them and reminiscing. I’ve found there are so many great memories that you forget without a trigger. I was going through some old computer files yesterday and I found an instant messenger conversation I had with a girlfriend from a couple years ago. As I read I immediately smiled and for a moment regretted the fact that I had broken up with her. Talk about chemistry, we had it!

The conversation we had was a month after we broke up and it was an emotional chat but the witty banter, cheap insults, and sexual innuendos were all there. (I’m smiling again.)

When I broke up with her it was for a variety of reasons. A large part of it was a fear of commitment on my part but a lot of it had to do with a key difference of opinion too. She was open-minded but very committed to her Christian faith. Though it didn’t bother her that I didn’t share her views, I could tell she hoped and was convinced that she would be able to help me believe her faith. My gut told me that even if everything lined up perfectly there would always be a part of us that was void, and in this case it was an area where two people could and should bond so beautifully. I had experienced this in my friendship with Chad. We are closer and share more secrets with each other than anyone else we know. However I’ve noticed on occasion a very real pain in his heart that I don’t see religion in his eyes, and that I can’t share that part of his life with him.

Anyway…Reading the chat I had with this vibrant woman filled me with beautiful emotions. At first I was saddened but I rechanneled those thoughts into hope and excitement for the love that I will encounter in the future. It’s a bittersweet feeling, yet the epitome of what makes life so amazing and exciting. Thank you Samantha, I wish great things for you!

My dreams are odd, fun, intriguing...and sometimes I don't dream at all. I often have similarly themed dreams but none so vivid or meaningful as one about my grand fathers. But first.

My Pop Pop, a simple quiet man known for jokes from Readers Digest and heartful stories about the past died when I 13. I never had a chance to talk to him as an adult and quiz him further about his past.

My Grandfather is 84 and lives in a nursing home in Baltimore. When I was very little he had a stroke and as result had a difficult time putting his thoughts in complete coherent statements (aphasia. He as well is a quiet man though from what I hear more of a strict hardliner from his older days. And though he is alive I've never been able to communicate freely with him and hear his stories as well.

But in my dreams these barriers fade away. There are mornings when I wake and can clearly remember sitting at the beach with Pop Pop listening to him tell me about the day he proposed to my grandmother, talking to me about Obama, and laughing over thanksgiving dinner with the family.

My talks with my grandfather often consist of him at the nursing home answering questions I posed to him but he was never able to answer before. He asks me about my travels and what I'm doing in school. I awake to these dreams with a smile.

I believe or maybe I should say I like to believe that my mind is able to formulate what my grandparents would most likely say based on the analysis of my previous interactions with them. I'm not one to really feel a spiritual or zen like peace often but after these dreams I feel a connection to something bigger than this world. It feels nice. It's an area of life that I never got to encounter and it's a little sad sometimes. But in your dreams anything is possible.

On my way back home to MD, I had some adventures, as you can see from the diagram provided below.

I came upon the remnants of a hail storm. I realized this when my car independently weaved to and fro luxuriously between two lanes. As you can imagine I was confused. I thought I had a tire blow out until I realized ice was covering the road. Quite peculiar to go from sunny skys to a sheet of ice on the road.

As I traveled along I noticed my gas light was on at about 1am the first night. Using my GPS I found my way into a town in the middle of nowhere only to find the gas station wasn't open. Following a whole slew of expletives, my GPS saved me a few miles up the road at a truck stop.

In West Virginia, I came across a fellow bald man on the side of the road at about 2 am. I picked him up and drove him to Western Maryland since it was on my way. Nice guy obviously, as I am still alive.

And as I encroached the city limits of Baltimore, I had my closest call with a Deer. We're talking milliseconds away from deer disaster!

Then I made it home to Elkton. It's funny, of all my travels, this stretch was most definitely the most dangerous. And that's all good cause Dangerous is my hyphenated last name.

It's no shock to those that know me that I'm not a huge fan of committing to things.

With the exception of school, nothing in my life over the last five years has been consistent. I'm constantly seeking something else whether it is with a woman, job, lifestyle, hobby etc. During this life journey I've gone back and forth questioning my motives, pondering the phrase and philosophy of "the grass is always greener", looking inward to find why I'm not content. My conclusion: I don't know. I'm OK with that. commitment

I'm now 25 and this is when people usually start settling down, choosing a career, getting married, kids...I'm nowhere close to any of that. Occasionally I start to feel like I'm not being responsible, I give up too easily, and I'm childish. This happens especially when I make a big decision. But looking back at all the decisions I've made that I questioned, I know they were based on truth based on feeling and thought, and not on fear, the unknown, or anger.

Don't try to understand me. Just be my friend and laugh with me. I need nothing more.

That said I'm trying something new again.

From the book files of the book I never finished but always said I would.

How do you react when someone cuts you off in a car? How do you react when someone spills a drink on you? How do you react when you are in a bad mood and a friend plays a joke on you? How do you react when you are sleeping and somebody wakes you up? How do you react when a friend starts dating someone you know? How do you react when someone is late? How do you react when someone accidentally breaks something of yours?

Truly think about your reactions in each of these scenarios. This only works if you are honest with yourself.

Now think of that time when you cut someone off on the road. Now think of the time you had one too many and spilled that beer or mixed drink. Think about all these scenarios and ask your self, have I ever done that?

Alright, when you cut that person off, what was your INTENT? Chances are it was accidental right? Did you mean to knock over that beer onto her pretty white dress? I didn't think so.

Unfortunately things happen everyday that frustrate us or have bad outcomes. Depending on the perspective from which you view these things, your reactions may come from one extreme or the other.

Life is short, simple, complex, anxiety producing etc...

Do we really need the added drama of anger and frustration over something that had no mal intent behind it?

I suppose our emotions are better used for things that have substance and meaning.

Ask yourself next time; accident or intent, and then proceed with an action that involves self reflection and thought.